Posting in Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum under the username u/Potential_Ad_241, the girlfriend said she sent her boyfriend, Sam, multiple text updates as she was being admitted, as well as a photo of herself attached to an IV. But these texts “triggered [Sam’s] anxiety,” so he refrained from dropping by.
The post has amassed over 18,000 upvotes and more than 2,000 comments criticizing Sam for making his girlfriend’s illness “about himself.” You can read the full post here.
Anxiety Disorders
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), over 40 million U.S. adults have an anxiety disorder. There are many different types of anxiety disorders, and while each disorder has its own set of symptoms, licensed clinical professional counselor Julienne Derichs said there are some universal symptoms.
“Most anxiety disorder symptoms include restlessness or feeling on edge, being easily fatigued, having difficulty concentrating, increased irritability, muscle tension, difficulty controlling worry, and sleep problems,” she told Byrdie.
Both Derichs and psychologist Sanam Hafeez said it’s important for those dating someone with anxiety to listen without judgment and vocalize their support. However, they also said people should hold their anxious partners accountable.
“The goal is to be supportive, not to walk on eggshells or radically change your life to accommodate the person with anxiety,” Hafeez told Byrdie. “Doing so removes the need for the person to address and overcome their anxiety.”
‘AITA’
Redditor u/Potential_Ad_241 said Sam was at work when she was admitted to the hospital, so she said sent him several updates via text to keep him abreast of the situation.
“I sent him around six texts updating him with what the nurses were saying and including a photo of me on IV giving a thumbs up,” she wrote, adding that Sam responded a few hours later with nothing but a thumbs up.
“I asked if everything was alright and he said, ‘Yeah just you being in the hospital is giving me a lot of anxiety, I’d rather not see you looking like that,’” u/Potential_Ad_241 recalled. “I told him that was okay and didn’t message him for the rest of the night, not thinking much of it.”
The following day, she received a call from Sam’s mother.
“She reminded me that his grandfather only died a year earlier [and] Sam had to spend a lot of time in and out of the hospital so the updates were making him grieve all over again. I apologized to her and sent him a text saying that I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings,” u/Potential_Ad_241 said. “He left me on read.”
Redditors React
Redditor u/Potential_Ad_241 said she felt “really really guilty” about sending Sam the texts, but Redditors said she had nothing to be sorry about.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. This guy isn’t ready to be an adult, let alone in a relationship. You were in the hospital and rather than expressing concern, he talked about his own anxiety…and then he sent his mommy after you? Run,” u/akitaevita wrote.
“NTA. In a healthy relationship, if a partner is in the hospital the other one visits and checks in. He dropped the ball and is b**ching about you trying to communicate, he should have been comforting you and not the other way around,” u/RosyClearwater said.
“Sam is an a**hole and a momma’s boy. He will never get better. You were scared and he made it about [himself],” u/meganes97 added.
Newsweek reached out to u/Potential_Ad_241 for comment.
Other Viral Posts
On Monday, Redditors criticized a woman’s family after they called her “selfish” for being upset with their reaction to her cancer diagnosis.
Last week, commenters slammed a man who called his partner a “bad wife” for drinking alcohol with her friends. Also last week, commenters backed a man seeking a divorce over a remark his wife made at a kid’s birthday party.
